Characters: Polly, Mal, OC
Rating: B

Disclaimer: The author makes no claim to owning the rights of anything to do with Terry Pratchett or Discworld.
Note: Written for the Cheesemongers May '06 challenge.

They Aren't All About Sex
by Amazon Syren

'Twas on a Tuesday morning,
All in the month of May...

Polly cringed. She knew where this was going.
"'Nother song about sex?" asked Mal, pulling up a bar-stool.
"Mm-hmm," Polly nodded, resigned.
"Pity they don't come up with something original."

But the singer, a woman in her thirties who apparently had sharp ears, looked their way and took in their uniforms.
"Something original?" she said. "For Borogravia's finest? But of course."
And she started the song again.

‘Twas on a Tuesday morning,
All in the month of May
I passed a valiant soldier lass
While walking on my way.

Two sabers strap-ed to her belt,
A cross-bow on her back;
A steady gleam was in her eye
As she rode down the track.

Mal and Polly exchanged glances.
"Sounds like you, sarge," whispered Mal.
"I'm damn sure I didn't pass anybody on my way to the bloody ferry," Polly hissed back.

They listened to the song.
A few details had been changed in the name of creative license. Certainly the horse Polly'd nicked from her Dad's stable hadn't been any kind of a white charger, and while Rosie and Mary (strange that they'd actually ended up in Polly's squad) had certainly turned out to be brave and quick-thinking, it hadn't been quite as obvious on the ferry as the singer made it seem. And, of course, Mal was a guy (complete with trousers) in the song. But since Mal was quite certain she wanted to be perceived as such, that last was not much of a problem.

'But be you maids, or beardless boys,
I swear this much is true:
'You are my little lads,' said she,
'And I'll take care of you.'

The last chords sounded from the lyre, and the singer looked over at the two soldiers again.
"I heard that story from a luckless ferry-guard who got shouted-down for being... what was it, now? 'Happy to be stupid', I think the words were." She nodded to Polly. "He's my brother, sergeant. You seem to have had quite an effect on him."